Lately we've been noticing that Laine is throwing fit after fit in the evening. I've been struggling a great deal lately with the fact that I am not with Laine all day and she spends the majority of her little life with Michele. Granted, there is no other person besides my family that I'd rather watch Laine than Michele but I have to admit it stings to see her want Michele over me! In the passed few days, Michele will bring Laine up to school and bring her to my room and honestly she'll cry when I reach for her and she turns and clutches on to Michele's shoulders. I could cry right now just thinking about it. I'll go and grab her and she'll turn around and try and force herself out of my arms and back in to Michele's. Then, when we get home at night she sometimes is in the WORST mood. She'll cry at anything and I just have now convinced myself that she hates me. Deep down I know her little brain is not complex enough to reason like that, but it hurts bad. When she doesn't want to come to me I just have flashbacks of all the endless nights I've spent with her and how I was by her side when she spent those 2 weeks in the hospital when she was born. I am the one who loves her to the end of the world and back and it feels like she doesn't really need me. I feel like I owe her my every waking minute when I'm home and I have a hard time juggling my personal life with spending time with her. For example: tomorrow morning I'm supposed to have my hair colored (I've gone MONTHS without doing this) and I feel so guilty for spending more time away from her than I do already. I asked my mom to bring her up to the salon while I was having my hair done just so she can be with me.
Tonight Jackson and I had a talk and if he gets the promotion we've been waiting to get then I don't have to work next year. I need all of your prayers that we'll be lead in the right direction because I really want to be able to stay home with Laine. The next few years are crucial for our relationship and I desperately want to be the one essentially raising her! I Know there are working moms out there who juggle their careers and personal life just fine, but for me and my personality I think I'd be much happier at home with my babe.
**Sidenote: The picture of her fit is extremely funny and some of her little outbursts just make me laugh!
3 comments:
I hope you are able to stay home. I also hope someday I will be able to stay at home as well.
I feel so sad for you. That must be really hard. I will be praying for you and I know you would be very happy at home with your sweet Laine. I wouldn't have it any other way, even if it meant moving into an apartment. You are a great mom and hopefully you will get to spend all your time with Laine very soon!
I am RIGHT with you! I know how you feel...I hope it works out! We can be SAHMs together! :)
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