This time a year ago if you told me that I would've have suffered a 2nd trimester miscarriage I would've probably laughed. This time last year I think I still thought I was invincible, you know, how high schoolers feel when their parents tell them that it's not safe to drive fast, or make sure you're home by curfew. Losing a child (even if it's an unborn child) is quite possibly the most humbling experience one can have. I have come a long way since last year. My faith has been restored, and I feel like I can honestly turn over my every fear and concern to Him. My church has been such a comfort to me, and even though I haven't shared with my pastors what happened to me, I still feel like each sermon brings me closer to Him and to Landon. I still think about him everyday. Most days it's when I'm brushing my teeth or taking a shower, and I have been thinking about him much more often since my due date is just around the corner. There are so many what could've been thoughts that circulate through my mind about what our lives would have been like with our sweet Landon with us on Earth, but because God is the Creator of all Living Things I have to trust that he took Landon because he wasn't meant to live here with me. Another positive in this black cloud of a journey has been my changing doctors. I LOVED the doctor I went to when I had Laine, but since we moved fairly far from his office I switched to a referred doctor in Grapevine. She was NOT what my old doctor was and I was never fully happy. Now that I have changed yet again, I feel like my new doctor is 100% reliable. I have been to him a few times and really feel comfortable with him and his staff. He took cultures recently and found that there is an infection, which I'm currently being treated for and I KNOW that because of the research I've done on this particular infection is what caused me to lose Landon. Can I go back and change the past? No. But I can find closure in what happened. He didn't tell me that is for sure what happened to me last time, but deep in my heart I know it is. This time around I'm going to be super careful and even though I fully trust my doctor, I am going to take every precaution necessary to make SURE I don't lose another baby. I'm ready for my family to be complete.
Over Spring Break my friend, Lea gave us her member tickets to the Ross Perot museum. She had 4 adult passes and kids under 18 were unlimited, so I took advantage of that and invited Laine's babysitter and her kids along with my mom, Laine and me. We had a great time despite the fact that the museum was PACKED with all of the Spring Breakers. I had already been once with my students for a field trip, and that day it wasn't nearly as packed it was over SB. The little kids had the best time I think because the crowds didn't bother them. The museum has a kiddie area and that was probably the least packed place in there, so we spent a lot of time there letting the little girls dig for dino bones, play in the grocery store, and pretend to go camping. We did venture out the other exhibits, but like I said we didn't get to do too much since there were a bazillion people. It was a fun thing to go do and say you've done though!
Yesterday Jackson, Laine and I went down to his lease in Gordon, TX. We originally planned on staying the night but around 8 plans changed. We started with a tour of the land on the 4-wheeler. Laine was scared of the 4-wheeler at first and wouldn't sit in the front but after riding for a bit she got brave and helped Jackson steer in the front. We saw all the blinds on the land and I climbed up Jackson's and saw the view that he gets when he's up there. The seat rocked a bit which was a little scary, but it was pretty neat. After that we fished and shot guns. I shot his moms 22 and did pretty well. He sat up targets and once I got comfortable with the gun I started nailing the targets. After that we started a fire and grilled hot dogs. Laine wanted to go find animals on the 4-wheeler so we did that and found an armadillo but once Jackson and Laine got close enough he had already gotten away. When we got back to camp we skipped and threw rocks in the pond. At this point is was getting late but not really late enough to go to bed, so we decided to just come back home. Lets just say these city girls can only handle so much of the country way of life.
All mothers and fathers cannot believe how quickly time flies and Jackson and I are SO in that club. We simply cannot believe that tomorrow morning at 4:07 am Laine was born 4 years ago. It's hard to believe that the little preemie who had surgery the same day she was born would be such a strong, fun, smart, caring, stubborn, full-of-life little girl she is today. We are incredibly proud of the person she's becoming and are amazed at her wittiness, her grace, her strength and her beauty. Our hearts have never felt more love ever than they have in these past 4 years. I have said before that if for some reason God does not bless us with another sweet baby, then at least we have her. She is a miracle and I thank my lucky stars every day that He gave her to us. Something funny she has started asking lately is how she got in our family and I tell her that mommy and daddy chose her from all the stars in the sky and God allowed us to have her. I tell her how much I thank God for that and she just gets a big smile on her face and tells me she loves me. I think sometimes about all of the kids in the world who don't feel that safeness with their own parents and it breaks my heart because I know she feels so incredibly loved by us. I am the luckiest mom alive to have her as my daughter.
Today our whole family came over to celebrate Laine turning 4. We are so thankful for everyone coming and feel so blessed to have so many people who love our angel as much as we do! We just had queso with meat and guacamole that my mom made for snacking and then I made homemade cookie cakes. I tried to decorate but failed miserably, so my brother and Jackson took over and they turned out pretty cute. Laine again, got so many cute things including a Merida costume and a Disney Princess jeep! She has NO idea how much she's loved and it melts my heart to see her so happy.
It's also my mom's birthday tomorrow, which is Laine's actual birthday, so we celebrated her too!
Laine originally wanted to have her 4th birthday at a place in Keller called Girly Girl. They had a package where the girls could get their hair done, toes done, make-up done, and dress up in princess dresses and to music walk down the runway. BUT, Girly Girl moved to a smaller store and didn't bring the salon portion of their first store with them, nor did they have any sort of runway and those are the things Laine was really looking forward to, so on to plan B. Avery has had her last two birthdays at Pump It Up and Laine has loved both of them, so I asked her if she'd like to have hers there. She decided it sounded really fun, and I'm glad we ended up there too. If we had done the Girly Girl party then we wouldn't have been able to invite all the boys that she's friends with and I wasn't ready to not have all of my friends' kids at her party. They all had a blast on the bounce houses, but I think the dads who were there, including Jackson might have had even more fun than the kids. haha. Laine got so many cute things and she was so excited to see all of her friends there!
Friday night my friend Cheryl and I took our girls, Laine and Carly to see a play at a theater in Hurst called Pinkalicious. Laine has one Pinkalicious book, but hers is called Silverlicious and it's the one about Pink losing her "sweet" tooth and wanting only sweet candy brought by the tooth fairy. Cute book, but that's the only one we've read before. Cheryl asked if we'd like to go with them to see Pinkalicious and we are so glad we did because the girls LOVED it. The play lasted about an hour and the set up was so great because there isn't a bad seat in the house! Laine was really interested in it, so I think next year I'm going to check out a center here that offers theater classes called CPAC. I think she might really like it. Afterward the play they invited all the kids to come down and dance on the stage with the cast and again Laine was in heaven. She immediately found the Pinkalicious actress and beamed when she acknowledged her. She also went up to a few of the different girl actresses from the play and was starstruck by them too. Great place to visit!