Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Trust.

This time a year ago if you told me that I would've have suffered a 2nd trimester miscarriage I would've probably laughed. This time last year I think I still thought I was invincible, you know, how high schoolers feel when their parents tell them that it's not safe to drive fast, or make sure you're home by curfew. Losing a child (even if it's an unborn child) is quite possibly the most humbling experience one can have. I have come a long way since last year. My faith has been restored, and I feel like I can honestly turn over my every fear and concern to Him. My church has been such a comfort to me, and even though I haven't shared with my pastors what happened to me, I still feel like each sermon brings me closer to Him and to Landon. I still think about him everyday. Most days it's when I'm brushing my teeth or taking a shower, and I have been thinking about him much more often since my due date is just around the corner. There are so many what could've been thoughts that circulate through my mind about what our lives would have been like with our sweet Landon with us on Earth, but because God is the Creator of all Living Things I have to trust that he took Landon because he wasn't meant to live here with me. Another positive in this black cloud of a journey has been my changing doctors. I LOVED the doctor I went to when I had Laine, but since we moved fairly far from his office I switched to a referred doctor in Grapevine. She was NOT what my old doctor was and I was never fully happy. Now that I have changed yet again, I feel like my new doctor is 100% reliable. I have been to him a few times and really feel comfortable with him and his staff. He took cultures recently and found that there is an infection, which I'm currently being treated for and I KNOW that because of the research I've done on this particular infection is what caused me to lose Landon. Can I go back and change the past? No. But I can find closure in what happened. He didn't tell me that is for sure what happened to me last time, but deep in my heart I know it is. This time around I'm going to be super careful and even though I fully trust my doctor, I am going to take every precaution necessary to make SURE I don't lose another baby. I'm ready for my family to be complete.

4 comments:

lee woo said...

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andrea chiu said...

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