Without You...

Throughout this whole unexpected journey I have learned that there are many people who are willing to go above and beyond to make you feel better. My life will be forever changed, and that's not necessarily bad. I will be stronger, more understanding, more loving, less judgemental when I see a sad face in public, and overall more thankful for what I DO have in this life. There are too many friends to name who have made this journey a little easier for us, but there are 3 people who I HAD to have by my side throughout this.

My amazing husband. Jackson is such a rock. There are SO many things that Jackson is not, but NONE of those compare to what he IS. He grieves completely differently than me, but he is so understanding of my crying, moping around, and leaning on him for a lot. I can't imagine not having him in my life and after this whole thing I am more than 100% sure that he is the ONE and only person who I'm willing to have by my side in this lifetime. We have had MANY disagreements and arguments throughout our 5 year marriage, but one things always remains true, and that is that he LOVES me more than he can say. One thing that shows me he loves me is joining me in my love of running. He doesn't really like to run at all, but we both signed up for the Cowtown 10k to run for Landon and he was all for it when I asked if he'd do it with me. His words may not bring me peace, but his presence does. I love you honey!

My incredible mother. My mom is what every daughter dreams of her mother being like. She will go to the end of the Earth to make sure I am ok. She cries with me, but doesn't make it worse. She talks me through each breakdown and explains that it's ok to cry and be mad. She helps Laine to understand my sadness and teaches her the right way to respond when I can't. She has told me that there is no love like a mother's love my entire life and until I had Laine I didn't realize how true those words were. She would put her life on the line to ensure that I am taken care of. She talked to the doctors when I couldn't, she asked questions during this whole process that I didn't think of, and she held my son and rocked him when I was sleeping after it happened. She made sure to tell him about Laine, and she told him that she loved him. She was in the room with me during those few minutes that no one would EVER want to see their daughter go through. For her I will be eternally grateful, and I will ALWAYS be her number 1 fan.

(I love this pic because it's the three of us: Laine, Landon, and me) My life, my love, my Laine. She is last because she may possibly be the most important during my unexpected journey. The sole reason I'm able to laugh, carry on, and cope with this is because of her. The healing power that she offers is unmistakably the most amazing thing I could ever ask for. She honestly I believe the intuition to know that I am sad, and she is so patient with me. Although, sometimes she does say, "Mommy, this is your last time to cry, ok?". Haha. She is only 3 I guess. Anyway, I don't know what I would do without her and for some unforseen, crazy reason I am not able to have any more kids, I have her and That.Is.Enough.